You wouldn't think that
a person such as me, a guy fresh out on parole with a
brand-new, state-of-the-art electronic tether device, would
have any particular need for short term car insurance, and
that's exactly how I want it. I want you and everybody else
to think that I'm riding my Dad's old Schwinn bike with the
bald tires back and forth to my new job at the golf course,
that I never go out at night, and the only thing I've been
doing besides taking scrupulous care of my diabetic cat, is
going to the birthday parties of my nieces and nephews and
eating too much chocolate cake.
I told the insurance
agent, I said "Look. I don't know what kinda car it's
gonna be. Maybe a sports car, maybe a van, then again maybe
somethin', you know...unassuming. Somethin' that people
He was stupefied, right? That's what anybody'd expect--stupefication--and
there it was all over his face like a sugar doughnut. He's
all like "You want short term insurance for an unspecified
car?" All this time I'm gettin' phone calls from my friend
who wants to know about important stuff, like what size body
armor do I need, what's the number for the guy who knows
about safes--all that stuff you need to know to get
So I said to the guy, I said, "Listen. My cat, Amorous
(yeah, I call him Amorous), he needs to go to the vet like
twice a month for this problem he has with his ankle joint.
I borrow him a carrier from the neighbor, put him in it, we
go out on the street and hitchhike till we get a lift,
'cause the vet Amorous likes is across town. My problem is,"
I say, "what if whoever picks us up gets sick on the way an'
starts losin' his Quarter Pounder and fries? Can't take over
driving unless I know I'm insured."
I think I'm talking with a competent insurance
right? I'll give you one guess what he said. He said "That's
the second cat named 'Amorous' I've heard of today." So then
he starts talking about every cat name he's ever heard as an
Finally I decide what I'm gonna do, 'cause I can't get the
guy to shut up about cats. I need to get his attention,
right? I figure even if I tell him the truth there's no way
he's gonna believe me. Either that, or I'll tell him, you
know, "Hey zipperhead, in case you haven't figured it out,
let me spell it out for ya: me and my buddies are gonna rob
the bank at 33rd and 9th next Tuesday, and I need
proof-of-insurance to show my parole officer for the getaway
vehicle, whatever kind it is, or he's gonna send me back to
prison. Now you know all the details: sell me some short
term insurance," and he'll start telling me about all the
bank robbers he's sold insurance to, and how they all had
nice cats with funny names, and geez.